Thoughts and Learnings of Life

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So I call it “Reasons and Results”

I can choose to stay and I want to stay. That is if I will consider emotions, feelings and friendships.

I don’t want to be overwhelmed by something that I know won’t last long (the job). At first, I choose this for the sake of experience and something to earn. We all know that it didn’t turn out just like that. I enjoyed what I am doing; I made connections, I had new friends and I had a new mentor. I am very happy with it. I am happy with the people that I connect with. I love the students and I love teaching but not the way we do it. I can feel that I am always tired whenever I go back home. And I know it’s not just a simple physical tiredness but I think it is exhaustion.

What I had is a world far from the world I used to have. Maybe, it’s the world outside the confines of school. I am absolutely having fun to the point that I forgot my reasons why I am there. It’s like I’m dreaming and we all know that I have to wake up.

The decision is not abrupt. I am already thinking about it for a long time. I don’t know if it’s wrong that I made it longer because of some factors such as friendships, connections and learning. But at the back of my mind, I know there will be a point of conclusion.

I need to partake the path that I choose a very long time ago; a path that I am always dreaming of. And this path will lead to my growth and it will give me happiness. I know that the work changed this dream a bit but it’s not enough for me to forget it. Actually, I am already longing for it. I need to continue what I already started. Whatever it is waiting for me at the end of this path, I am ready to accept it. Just like what this mentor said, “there is no failure; there’s just learning”.  And it was added to my so called golden rules of my life.

I already knew your reactions from the start and I find it normal. Well, I am just ending the work; not the friendship. He will always be my mentor and she will always be my “ate”. I know it’s “mada mada dane” (I still have lots to work on) and I know you are always there to teach and guide me.

If I will be staying, it will be a burden for me because the only thing that holds me here is our connection.  I know I am selfish with my decision, but I know too, that among the people that I know you will understand it because you know me well; you are my friend and my mentor.  And it will always be with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Maputi ang ina nila!

Sa tinagal-tagal ng aking pag-akag sa aking isang nakakatandang kaibigan na kami ay magkaron ng kaunting kasiyahan, biglaan lamang pala ang magbibigay daan para matupad ang isang munting kahilingan.Pasalamat ko na lang sa mga nagbigay init ulo sakanya. Ngunit, asar ko na lang sa pagiging menor nila sa kabila ng pagiging “bulbulin” nila.

Ako man ay nagulat sa mga nangyari. Inakag ko siya kasama ng isa pang kasama sa Pioneer ngunit ayaw naman nila pagkat malayo daw. Ngunit hindi ba’t ang Puti sa timog ay di hamak na mas malayo? Pero ayos na rin mas malapit nga naman sa amin.

Nung una, ang gusto namin ay isang tahimik na lugar para sa isang masayang huntahan pero napadpad kami sa isang lugar na “medyo tahimik” lang. Iba ata ang kahulugan ng tahimik para sa mga serbidor ng bar na yaon.

Masaya ang kinalabasan pagka’t lahat ay nagkalabasan. Sabi ko na, sa bote mo makikilala ang mga taong iyong parating kasama. Kahit sa mga panahon na yaon ay kakaunti na lamang ang natitira sa aking ulirat, marami pa rin akong natutunan bilang pinaka-bata sa lahat. Nakapag-bahagi din naman kahit kaunting karanasan at mga natutunan sa buhay. Kaunti lamang pagka’t wala naman akong gaanong ma-alala sa aking mga karanasan. Napakalayo pa talaga ng aking lalakbayin. Ngunit, alam kong hindi ko mararating ang kung anong meron sila ngayon pagka’t panigurado ako, iba ang aking mararating.

Masayang natapos ang sesyon sa isang kakatwang pagkanta kasama ng isa pang kaibigan at paniguro ko, kantang lasing na naman ang aking na-ihandog sa kanila. Sana’y maulit muli ang masayang pangyayaring ito. Hiling ko lang, sana kasama na ang iba pang kabarkada sa opisina.

—-

Nine

For You

You gave me light
in the darkness of the night.
You gave me strength
on the weakest part of my life.

Who are you hero?
What armor brings?
What protection gives?
What history you live?
 
You’re my newly found foundation.
The source of rejuvenation.
Is this what they call redemption?
When in need of some resurrection?

You’re the clown
when the world puts me down.
You’re my energizer
when my body needs one.

You’re the inspiration
My sole motivation
You’re my instruction
when my life needs some direction.
 
You’re the reason why I fight
To keep going in the journey of my life.
You’re my only pride
The Joy of my Earthly mind.

I have everything to give you
But I have nothing to equalize you
Praises are not enough
Presents are inapt

What you’ve done is more than satisfying
My angel of life and loving.

 

For them

I wonder why people grow
Leave things with sadness to grow
I wonder why people go
Without realizing the loneliness they throw

I am a victim
Of loneliness and sorrow
Still believe in reasons
Lame excuse and explanation

Compensating things;
“I like it” and “that’s okay”
Deep inside it’s hurting
And will always be not okay

I keep on experimenting
Trying things and experiencing
Learning the art of communicating
Sharing mantle with people I am meeting

Now, I don’t know where to go
Leaving to God my fate
And where my feet to throw
What road to take, dilemma of my soul

I am still trying
The game of loving and war of hating
Pet the beast with talented taming
Protecting my self from life’s choosing

Experience wise
I am a warrior
Winning the life of love and sorrow
Even though I am a weirdo

Amen I say to you
Lord of mystery
Mentor of soliloquy
Thank you I learned a lot from you


My spartan hero…

For me

Where to find sanctuary

In this world chock full of arbitrary

Where to search for conservancy

If your faith is full hesitancy.


I have nothing to say

To gain strength not to dismay

To have love not to hate and lay

To follow God not to be astray.


Follow heavenly light

Motivate race to fight

Choose life and peace of mind

Leave anger to have it’s own flight


Stop war

Start love

End hate

Continue to segregate.