So I call it “Reasons and Results”
I can choose to stay and I want to stay. That is if I will consider emotions, feelings and friendships.
I don’t want to be overwhelmed by something that I know won’t last long (the job). At first, I choose this for the sake of experience and something to earn. We all know that it didn’t turn out just like that. I enjoyed what I am doing; I made connections, I had new friends and I had a new mentor. I am very happy with it. I am happy with the people that I connect with. I love the students and I love teaching but not the way we do it. I can feel that I am always tired whenever I go back home. And I know it’s not just a simple physical tiredness but I think it is exhaustion.
What I had is a world far from the world I used to have. Maybe, it’s the world outside the confines of school. I am absolutely having fun to the point that I forgot my reasons why I am there. It’s like I’m dreaming and we all know that I have to wake up.
The decision is not abrupt. I am already thinking about it for a long time. I don’t know if it’s wrong that I made it longer because of some factors such as friendships, connections and learning. But at the back of my mind, I know there will be a point of conclusion.
I need to partake the path that I choose a very long time ago; a path that I am always dreaming of. And this path will lead to my growth and it will give me happiness. I know that the work changed this dream a bit but it’s not enough for me to forget it. Actually, I am already longing for it. I need to continue what I already started. Whatever it is waiting for me at the end of this path, I am ready to accept it. Just like what this mentor said, “there is no failure; there’s just learning”. And it was added to my so called golden rules of my life.
I already knew your reactions from the start and I find it normal. Well, I am just ending the work; not the friendship. He will always be my mentor and she will always be my “ate”. I know it’s “mada mada dane” (I still have lots to work on) and I know you are always there to teach and guide me.
If I will be staying, it will be a burden for me because the only thing that holds me here is our connection. I know I am selfish with my decision, but I know too, that among the people that I know you will understand it because you know me well; you are my friend and my mentor. And it will always be with me.